ADULT CONTENT WARNING: You’ve seen those cute stop-motion/claymation/felt doll videos that festivals like Bonnaroo and Outside Lands have been using to announce their line-ups? Well, this EXCLUSIVE festival line-up announcement is sorta like that, except it features a real-life mutant alien threatening grievous inter-planetary harm, while fellating a dildo on-cam. Said mutant also threatens to rape some of the talent, if it didn’t have to be onstage at the beautiful bizarre hour of 3AM : “Dave Matthews Band, Jay-Z, Margaret Cho, I planned to majorly rape these f*ckers, but they’ve scheduled us for three o’clock in the morning, and the only people that are gonna be there are drugged-out hippies — and that’s cool, because this will be the biggest opportunity Gwar has had yet to eliminate the entire Hippie race.” Not if this festival-goer has anything to say about it — I love my Hippie peeps — I’m reminded of M.I.A. declaring that if her announced-as-last performance in 2008 would really be her last show, she “wanted to go out with my Hippies at Bonnaroo, peacefully”. Right on, ‘glad it wasn’t really your last show. Herewith, an URB exclusive Bonnaroo announcement from Gwar — who really should be in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame…plus, my favorite song ever at Bonnaroo, a link to create your own cheesy Bonnaroo movie trailer, and info on an important charity auction.

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