The current chapter of MySpace’s upcoming incarnation goes like this: MySpace adds Justin Timberlake as a friend; Justin Timberlake accepts; Myspace and Justin Timberlake conspiracy against iTunes. Actually, this is going to be the plot to the upcoming straight-to-dvd movie, “Social Network 8: It’s Tom’s Payback, Bitches!!!” where Justin Timberlake teams up with Tom, played of course by Tom Cruise, and they infiltrate Apple Headquarters in a explosive action, thriller, comedy, drama, documentary film. But before that, there will be a long training montage set to “Eye of a Tiger” where MySpace finally admits to his lifelong addiction to horoscopes and finally realizes that in order to be great, he must….not read horoscopes?
Ok, I’m quite confused at this plot because one, I could have sworn horoscopes were the least of the problems leading to MySpace’s demise and two, what did iTunes ever do to MySpace? Apparently, Al Dejewski, the new vice president of global marketing, believes MySpace is a adolescent musician who has found a way to express himself though music but decided to bulk up on classified ads and horoscopes. And the only way to save MySpace? “This young adult needs to be put on a diet [...] and get back to it’s foundation. And we’ve found that foundation is music.” Of course, after all the bulk is lost, his next plan is to enlist “enlist celebrities and major brands from the automotive, packaged-goods and quick-service-restaurant categories as promotional partners for MySpace’s new brand identity” but hey, I can’t wait to see Tila Tequila driving a pimped out MySpace Jetta with Kraft Macaroni and Cheese bumper stickers and Pizza Hut coupons on the side. Actually, a better use of my time would be to go back to Facebook and never think about MySpace again.
But seriously though, going after iTunes? I thought Facebook took all your friends, MySpace.
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