There’s a certain kind of genetic disease that plagues white rappers, closely related to the white-people-can’t-dance syndrome. It’s called the Humpty-Dumpty flow. Certain pigmentally-challenged MCs have been fortunate enough to have developed an immunity to this epidemic. Unfortunately, these two white boys from New York seem to have become another statistic. MCs Swell and Sentence drop knowledge with an unnatural strain that sounds as though they’ve been suffering from lyrical constipation. Additionally, Matt Stine’s less than stellar production shifts awkwardly from funk to jazz to rock, and doesn’t quite hit the target or find the pocket anywhere on the album. One exception is ‘Funk Terrorist’ where the Maids almost completely abandon the forced energy of their everyday flows and actually kinda go in over the track’s slowly building horns and laid-back drum kicks. While their flows may be unimaginative, their subject matter is honest, painting the picture of two middle class white kids who grow up to be unknown starving MCs, graduating from college ‘just to work retail with 50 other artists.’ Their storytelling is poignant at times, most notably on ‘Life Is Easy,’ which features a vivid tale of domestic abuse. There’s no question that the Metermaids manage to inject an impressive level of relatable personal experience into the album, the problem is that they lack the charisma to be truly compelling on the mic. The influence of artists like Aesop Rock and Atmosphere is obvious. However the Maids lack the dynamic lyricism to be put in the same class. They’ve made a valiant effort to create a groundbreaking underground hip hop album. It’s not easy to make a classic.

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